Motherhood is a Ministry

Another blog post that I’ve been meaning to share… I actually wondered if it was right for me to post this because you know how mum guilt goes… I try my best to be the best mother I can be but I also am my biggest critic.

I wanted to use my platform to really empower mothers but I’ll be honest, I don’t believe being a mother alone is somebody that gets pregnant and births a child. It is much more than that.

It is a ministry. A calling if you like.

Becoming a mother to me has really challenged my thinking, my beliefs and who I am as a person. Motherhood is a selfless role and not everyone can be called a mother.

Many at times I feel so guilty for how I feel and how I take motherhood because many people believe that the traditional tasks of being a mother alone, defines a mother.

To me, a mother is much more than being caring and nurturing. It is about being honest. I strongly believe that to be called and to take on the calling are two different things.

I’m a mother because I have birthed a child but I could negate all my responsibilities. I choose not to, I choose to try. Everyday. Motherhood isn’t a job, it is a calling!

We do a multitude of tasks which are not limited to household tasks only. Take me for instance, I run my own business, I create content, I work a full time job in condensed hours, I’m a wife, a family orientated individual plus I AM A WOMAN. I am me. I like to have fun and make memories.

All these roles for me are necessary and crucially important to be the mother that I want to be…Whilst I say this, the Bible also speaks about modelling Christ like behaviour and pointing our children in the direction of God. There’s so much to be being a Mother.

All this to say, we are doing our best and we should really give ourselves some credit…

I’m always thinking of ways to manage my new role (yes even at almost 2 years, it feels new!). I think about how I can spend more time with my child, how I can be a better person etc because ultimately, I want my child to be happy; but I recognise that so do I. I do not want to fail at my calling..

Hopefully, I’ve not only captured my own thoughts but the thoughts of many others.

I tell people I love being a mother. Not because it’s easy but because I love my child. I love that I have someone to love because truly, she is what motivates me to keep going. She is my why, so I guess what I’m saying is….. Even on the tough days, I’m committed to this ministry.

You?

With love,

ANJ TALKS ♡

INTENTIONAL 2022

Hi amazing human,

I hope that you are well and so far, 2022 has been kind to you ❤️

I wanted my first post of 2022 to be meaningful and I also wanted to post at a time that I felt was right for me…

Investing in me, my success. The word ‘Intentional’ has quickly become my favourite word.

I have decided that I want to be Intentional this year so that at the end of this year, I can really say that I tried. By no means has every day been perfect however, I am dedicated to trying again the next day.

You know when people talk about light bulb moments? Well yeah, I think I’ve had one of them. One of those moments where you think I need this. Personally, spiritually, financially.

Have I felt like giving up? Yes. Have I wondered if I am wasting my time? Yes. Do I wish I could start again sometimes? Yes. There are times when I just think this is ‘long!’ However, I joined a business call the other day and the speaker said “the life that you are living now, is a reflection of the choices you have made!!!” If that isn’t word enough for you then I don’t know what is… 🤷🏽‍♀️

The issue of perfectionism is a big topic for me. The notion of being able to do everything and doing it very well. I’m slowly releasing my myself from this bondage and trying to understand that I have to give myself more grace. I have many hats but I can only do what I CAN DO each day and I am one person.

The things that I aim to be intentional about this year:

1. Taking care of myself

2. Prioritising my daughter and making memories with her/ family

3. Exploring ventures and giving myself a chance

4. Making working hard and enjoying life coincide

5. Building my relationship with God

6. Holding myself accountable for all my actions

7. Reading more

8. Speaking less, doing more

9. Genuinely being happy

What are you intentional about doing this year? Have you created a vision board or noted your goals down?

Remember, we will always find reasons why we can’t do something but barely find reasons to do something. ‘Doing’ is never easy but by us taking baby steps each day, we are a little bit closer to achieving what we want…

With love,

ANJ TALKS ♡

Why do we have to choose?

Why does society make parents, particularly mothers feel like they have to choose between being a mother or having a career? 🤔

I have grown up to be so career focused. I have worked hard. Finished university, done my masters and went straight into work.

I do not want to sacrifice my career or motherhood.

When I was preparing to go on maternity leave, I thought that I would go back to work after 9 months. When 9 months came, I did not feel AT ALL like I was ready to go back yet. I spent a huge chunk of my pregnancy and after I gave birth, in lockdown- so I stayed at home for a year.

I appreciate that I have been lucky to have the support that allowed me to do this however, to be honest, it’s been 2 months since I have returned to work and I did not expect the changes.

People laugh off ‘baby brain’ but jokes aside, adapting to being a working mum with a baby is definitely a huge milestone. People do it all the time but as a first time mother, this is of course new to me.

So many mixed emotions and the mum guilt overwhelmed me and so, surprise!: Hope attends childminder now.

Relatable right?

I was warned that going back to work as a new mother would be a different feeling, I mean, it is not like going back to work after some annual leave! It has meant that my attention is divided.

Putting Hope in childcare was extra hard. My baby that had never left my side, in the hands of another. Well!….. I would like to tell you, my baby has never cried once, my baby is walking, my baby is doing so good! Though my worries were valid, my point is, she is doing really well.

I definitely wasn’t phased into work but I would like to think that I am doing okay now. My motto for motherhood: take each day as it comes and daily, I am trying to apply this to my working life.

Some days I feel like I am smashing it and other days, after a long day at work, I feel like I’m the one being smashed. But hey, I know that I will Eventually get there and find a routine. I will find ways to spend quality time with my daughter, have time for myself, be a wife, daughter and sister- how? I don’t know but I will because these are the many hats I wear and I’m wearing them with pride.

With this being said this is me. This is I. I am Mama Hope first and foremost AND I am damn good at my job! I may not feel like this all the time but this blog post is a reminder. 🥰🙏🏾

How are you mumma’s doing? Are you back at work yet? How are you managing?! Let me know in the comments below.

With love,

ANJ TALKS ♡

1st birthday and mummyversary

Guys, MY DAUGHTER IS ONE!!!!!!!!!🥺🥺🥺; Hope became a one year old last week, 6th October 2021 🎉🥳.

Everyone always asks where has the time gone and SERIOUSLY, I echo that, where has the time gone?

I remember when she was a newborn and I thought time was going really slow, especially as I gave birth during the lockdown. However, as soon as she turned 6 months in April, time suddenly went so Fast! (Can other parents relate?!) 😩😢 They do say enjoy the moment because they don’t stay tiny forever.

This post is to just to shout out my daughter because she has actually given me a deeper meaning of love. When you have a child growing inside you and then you see them grow to this point, you really deep how real and mighty God is. As a Christian, we believe that children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3); and Hope is an epitome of this.

Honestly though, I am super Grateful to God for my first seed, my smiley baby, my ray of sunshine and my heartbeat 🌻☀️✨

My favourite things about Hope:

1. She is so calm

2. Her beautiful smile (she is nicknamed smiley baby)

3. Her laugh is infectious

4. She don’t like stress, leave her to watch Cocomelon, play with her teddy and other toys occasionally

5. She is the star of the family and wherever she goes, someone- even strangers, always have something positive to say about her

My 1 year mummyversary has by no means been easy. It’s been amazing, trying, testing and beautiful all at the same time; but I would not have it any other way! 🥺🥰

I have learnt so much about myself personally and as a mother. My hearts desire is that I grow to be a better person in all areas of my life, for the sake of myself and most especially my daughter 🙏🏾

I’ve been getting really nice comments recently about how I appear to enjoy motherhood. That is really nice to acknowledge about me because I love that despite the fact that I have my ‘struggle days,’ my love for being a mother really does shine through.

So thank you to all the parents who even read my blog because without Hope, there would be no Anj Talks blog 🤓

No one said being a parent, a mother, would be a walk in the park and I did not expect it to be. All I pray for, is that my journey just keeps getting better 🙏🏾

We celebrated Hope’s birthday by doing an lovely photo shoot with @totalceleb on Instagram, she had an amazing birthday with few friends and family at home (even had her 1st McDonalds Happy Meal 😃); and then we had an amazing Cocomelon themed birthday party! Glory be to God! 🎉🙏🏾

Hope on her 1st birthday enjoying her chips 🍟
Hope with mummy & daddy for her 1st birthday photoshoot with @totalceleb (Instagram) 💖
One of the pictures taken on a phone of us during Hope’s Cocomelon birthday party (she was more interested in her teddy 😂)

Till next time folksss…

With love,

ANJ TALKS ♡

Breastfeeding

Hey mumma’s,

I hope that you are doing well & if you are not, keep going!! 🤗

Black breastfeeding week was some weeks ago and seeing as I am a breastfeeding mum, I couldn’t pass the opportunity to do a blog post on the topic of breastfeeding! 🤱🏾

Breastfeeding, also referred to as nursing, involves feeding human breast milk to a child, via the breast or by expressing the milk from the breast and bottle-feeding it to the child. 👶🏾🍼

Here’s my experience which all came as a surprise:

1. The extra hard (engorged) breasts which are impossible to ignore (especially when asleep)

2. The throbbing feeling that you get when your breast milk begins to flow; which forces you to get baby to feed or rush to express!

3. The yellow ‘golden milk’ that you initially get

4. The leaking breasts and having to wear breast pads

5. The whole concept of expressing

6. The sensitive and sometimes lumpy (weird shaped) breasts

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.

Rajneesh

I have been breastfeeding for just over 11 months now. My baby absolutely loves breast milk and loves to feed directly from my breast.

In all honestly, despite the above, which all came mainly at the start of my journey, I have not had any issues with breastfeeding. However, prior to this experience, I never knew that all this was involved in being committed to breastfeeding… 😮

*To educate,* Some common issues which other woman experience include: baby not latching, not having enough breast milk to feed the baby, breast milk ‘drying up’ early, sore or cracked nipples and blocked milk duct.

On the other hand, this blog post is not in any way created to make mothers feel less than or stigmatised. Following this, one of my fellow mumma’s was kind enough to share her experience with breastfeeding below:

“Prior to the arrival of my baby I was so sure I was going to breastfeed her. However, I just didn’t seem to produce enough milk to feed her when she came. Doctors advised that I gave her formula while I kept on trying.

I tried everything I knew as well as recommendations from fellow mummies and loved ones. I tried lactation treats, fenugreek, fennel seeds, pap, oatmeal with lots of water yet, there was no substantial increase. I got frustrated a couple of times as I felt I wasn’t giving my baby the best.

However, with time I realised that Fed is best. She was/is growing beautifully. Very healthy and happy which is the most important thing.”

Tolulope

In a nutshell, this blog post is to celebrate breastfeeding/ black breastfeeding mumma’s; as well as share common issues which everyone may not be aware of.

If you are on the breastfeeding journey or soon to embark on the journey, remember that Fed is best, as Tolulope has also said 😊. Be patient with yourself mumma, you are doing a great job!

With love,

ANJ TALKS ♡

The side of motherhood that people don’t talk about

Hey mumma’s,

Many motherhood and lifestyle bloggers, as well as influencers alike claim to portray the ‘realities of motherhood.’ I, for one, am guilty of this however, at times the pressure of social media and not wanting to be depicted as a ‘struggling mother’ or any other negative description, impacts the picture of what the reality really is😣.

I haven’t made a blog post since June and so, I wanted to share with you my reality.

Some people prefer YouTube, some like Instagram reels or Tik Tok. I like to write.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog post, it means a lot to me 🙏🏾.

Where do I start…

Well the months leading to the ease of lockdown were not the easiest for me. At first I was nervous about leaving the house and then, I started to feel ‘locked up’ and like I was actually being robbed of making memories with my daughter 💔. This feeling was further heightened by the fact that summer has Not been SUMMERY as such (I mean we have had like two heat waves and it’s basically been winter! 😕)

Many people say “oh they are small, they won’t remember anything,” blah blah blah. I know this of course but I had plans for my first child, all the things I dreamt of whilst carrying her; and the fact that I couldn’t do some of these things because life just isn’t the same anymore, was not a nice feeling for me, at all 🥺.

Secondly, Hope’s sleep has changed and my baby that woke up once in the night is suddenly hitting milestones which has led her to practice her moving and climbing skills at odd hours of the night, or just simply waking up to feed. I have been tired 🤦🏾‍♀️

Being an (exclusive) breastfeeding mum is another thing. I was told babies don’t need to eat at night from 6 months but mate, I have been doing this almost every night to make my baby girl go back to sleep!!

Mumma’s, It has Not been easy. I genuinely have questioned what I have done wrong? Comparison is a B***h! (Excuse my language). Who said all babies sleep through the night at a certain age and who said babies don’t need to feed if they are hungry at night? I mean who?!! 🤔

I feel like this topic is not spoken about enough. If you are a sleep training mum, fair play to you however, it is not just sleep training and that’s it! Permit me to say, I have the ‘perfect child,’ but she did not take well to sleep training. This did not go down well between me and my husband (who did not like the concept of sleep training btw 🙄). We didn’t agree and this was our first experience of bumping heads in parenthood. What a WOW 🤭🥲

On another note, working out has gone DOWNHILL. I hit my goal weight and was working out 5 days a week and feeling good. The problem with overdoing things sometimes is that it leads to burnout and I think coupled with everything that has happened, I’m just too tired and haven’t started back! 😱

The excess skin and the pressure that I have put on myself to snap back, haunts me as my Apple Watch is now Idle 😩

The point I am trying to make here, by sharing my reality in the last month, is that I LOVE MOTHERHOOD and the blessings that come with it. I love my baby. 

BUT these are the moments that I Do Not love 🤦🏾‍♀️. Guilt has killed me for the moments that I have cried, for the moments that I have snapped and for the moments that I have been angry.

However, today, I have decided that I need to let it ALL go.

I almost lost motivation to blog and just did not feel that it was giving the energy that I wanted it to give. That’s life for you, it really can be a domino effect and if you don’t take life by the wheel, it can feel like you are losing control 🚨.

Today, I am in Starbucks with my baby who is on my boob; and one hand on my phone. I’m staring at my motivation (Hope), who is my forever reminder to myself to Never Give Up and always have H O P E ✨

I am fully invested in being the best mother to Hope that I am accepting that motherhood isn’t going to be the easiest ride, it will never be a bed of roses, filled with every emotion. I will enjoy the good and in the ‘bad,’ I will remember that it won’t last.

Life got in the way but I’m back! So please bear with me 🥰

To any other parent out there who is experiencing a side of motherhood that’s not your favourite… you have a crying baby, your kids are annoying you on the holidays, your baby won’t sleep, your baby won’t eat, your baby won’t nap easily, your kids are driving you up the roof; WHATEVER…. This is a reminder to you that “You are more than enough and you are not alone.” 🤗

Let’s chat… Comment below how things have been for you? Xx

With love,

ANJ TALKS ♡

Is self-care and me-time possible as a mother?

Hey mumma’s!!

How are you doing? It’s so crazy how we had so much sun and now the weathers changed lol 🤨🥴🤯

Anyway, I do hope that you and your little one/s are well x

I’m currently writing this blog post on the C2C train (afrobeats in my EarPods); enroute to get my hair slayed by my very good friend @voawigs (Instagram) 💇🏾‍♀️. I won’t lie, as a mother, it feels so nice to get out for some fresh air Alone and do this!

This begs the question what is me-time to you? What does self-care look like for you?

There’s the traditional sleep, go out for fresh air etc; but I think this is whatever makes you feel good!

I know what your thinking…. “I never have enough time,” “I don’t have the support,” “my kids are stuck to me,” “there’s not enough hours in the day”

In all honesty, I think the same thing. I mean maternity is just flashing by. My days starts and ends in a second and I somehow never get through my to-do list. Sometimes I plan for some me-time and Hope is fighting her nap!! 😩. I plan to have a bubble bath every week and it never happens 😔 but…

Being INTENTIONAL. I use this word because this is so key when you are a mother. Being a mother has taught me the importance of planning (even if things don’t always go to plan!) but also being appreciative of even the 30 mins before bed that I get to have some me-time and focus on self-care.

What makes it time well spent? Below I’ve dropped some gems on the things I enjoy doing:

⁃ reading a book (I’ve been reading the same one all year but I won’t knock it!)

⁃ Working out (Chloe Ting, Grow with Jo and Walk at home on Youtube are my favourites 💪🏾)

⁃ Listening to a Christian podcasts whilst on a walk alone (Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyer👍🏾)

⁃ Reading a Christian devotional on the Bible app

⁃ Watching Netflix and eating (when Hope’s in bed 😬)

⁃ Having a bubble bath (with candles obv 😀)

⁃ Having time to think and perspective take (I don’t feel I get to do this often with no distractions!; but it is so important 💎)

⁃ Planning whether this is in my personal life, career/ business

⁃ I feel good when I get my nails and feet done, eyebrows and hair 💅🏾

⁃ Go out with friends and family (let your hair down if you have the opportunity 😇)

⁃ Doing Nothing (when Hubby takes Hope and I can be on my own for ‘5mins’)

This is just what I like doing. I won’t pretend and say I get to do these things all the time; in fact, I often get upset that I don’t! 🤦🏾‍♀️

However, if I don’t prioritise my self-care no matter how busy I am, who will? It may not feel the same as how it did prior to me being a mother but we have to adjust and make it work 🤗- It IS possible!!!

So here it goes… Type in the comments what you do in your self-care and me-time! & I am challenging you all to at-least do 10mins of me-time a few days a week! If you already do this then good on you! Do 20 or 30mins😜🙂

The finished look 🥰 – this mumma felt good!! 😃

With love,

ANJ TALKS ♡

Tips for motherhood

Hey mumma’s,

How are you doing?! I hope that you are enjoying the sunshineee ☀️ 😃

I thought that I would give an update as baby girl just turned 8 months less than a week ago (time just flies 🥺)…

Now that I am at this stage of motherhood, I have learnt So So much. I feel so emotional thinking about my journey and how far that I have come. 🙏🏾

The time when I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it, the times when I have been so in awe and so in love with my child, the times that I am Exhausted and wonder when I will get my mojo back. There has been a lot of ‘times.’ 💭

I don’t think I really comprehended how much lockdown took away a chance to make memories with my daughter and although everyone is in the same boat, I feel guilty 🥺😩.

Now I am trying to make each day count!!! Hope went from 3 months to 6 months in a blink and now she’s 8 months; when just the other day I was doing her 6 months photoshoot.

My beautiful family. Hope @ 6 months 👑 ♥️

Anyway, as much as I hate to think about how much she is growing. I am grateful to God for how far she’s come and how far I have come as a mother. It is not to be taken for granted at all.

My top tips:

1. Trust your mummy instinct!!! No one knows your child better than you, even if you are a new mother.

2. Take each day as it comes. It is not easy and it is indeed a full time job but we will get there!

3. All babies/ children need is nurture. They don’t care about what materialistic things and other random things we think about.

4. You learn as you go. Try not to dwell on the bad and don’t forget the good.

5. Motherhood is a blessing. I have bonded with so many other mothers on this journey, which is Amazing.

I will be interested in hearing other mums tips, what have you learnt so far in your journey?! Please share ☺️ x

With love,

ANJ TALKS ♡

Maternal mental health

Hey mumma’s,

I hope that you are doing well!? And looking forward to May 17th when things ease a bit more 🙂

Mental Health Awareness Month 2021 is this month (May 2021). Please take your time to read this blog post as this is a very important subject.

I think that as mothers, it is important that we talk about mental health, which appears to be a taboo to speak about- especially when you are a mother. This is actually crazy considering 1 in 4 people suffer from a mental illness. 

Are you a mother who has dealt with mental health issues prior to or post becoming a mother? Are you a mother who has suffered from post-natal depression? How safe do you feel speaking about this?

Maternal mental health does exist and 1 in 10 women are said to develop mental illnesses during this time. As you can imagine, this does not have a positive impact on women and families. 

I did some research and women of colour are more vulnerable then their white counterparts. To clarify, all women of every race meet challenges in mental health however, during pregnancy and post, women of colour are said to be particularly vulnerable. Why is this?

One thing I’ve learnt about mental health is that we all have mental health but what we don’t want, is poor mental health. Our mental health is just as important as our physical health!!!

As mothers are we looking after our mental health? In fact, there is a stigma already around mental health generally but dads, how are you looking after your mental health? Being a man does not mean that you also do not suffer from mental health.

With over a year of uncertainty and being indoors with our lives changing; with new additions- please Do Not for any reason feel unjustified for how you feel. Your feelings are valid. 

Personally, on becoming a new mother I have had anxious moments- a very short episode of baby blues at the start, yes. I believe that this is normal and I will not be ashamed as being a parent is daunting. I sometimes feel guilty for having my ‘days’ as I want to be the best mother ever to my daughter; as she deserves the Very Best- but this pressure to be a great parent sometimes leaves me overthinking. Can you relate? What is your experience since being a new parent? 

There is light at the end of the tunnel…

Despite all this, I have listed some things below which could help:

  • The theme of this months mental health awareness month is NATURE. Getting out for fresh air has been a coping strategy for many with everything that’s been happening around the world. I recommend walks (I should walk more) on your own and with baby!
  • Working out. I currently love home workouts but gyms are also open so do what suits you best!
  • Self care: whatever this may be for you i.e. reading a book, a bubble bath (take a break from the news and anything too stressful!) etc
  • Speaking to someone you trust and who you will not feel judged by, about how you feel
  • Do not compare yourself to another mother or your child/ children to there’s! We all grow at our own pace
  • Practice gratitude, pray
  • I recognise that not everyone has the luxury of additional support so you could also seek help via hotlines, your health visitor and/ or GP
  • The maternal mental health alliance page (Google search) is also a good page to check out
Photo taken from @fightthroughmentalhealth on Instagram. A very informative page to visit.

Please remember that people who need help, often do not look like they do. You are not ridiculous for feeling how you do! Getting help is better than not getting help. Being a parent is not the easiest job. 

Please note that I am also available to speak to and I hope this blog post helps you. If you would like to speak to me, please contact me on: angelaa@anjtalks.com 

#journeytorecovery #maternalmhmatters #mentalhealthawarenessmonth

With love,

ANJ TALKS ♡

Hope x Pampers

If not pampers then whatttt??!! 🤔😂

Since giving birth to my daughter, Hope, she has always used Pampers nappies. It is somewhat of a tradition in my family where I have grown up seeing everyone around me using Pampers for their babies and through my experience, I now know why ☺️

Where others have had to try different nappies, I simply cannot relate! 🤷🏽‍♀️

Hope is 6 months, almost 7 months now (I know, time flies right?! 🥺); therefore, being part of the Pampers Active Fit Project was only right, as she is now at a stage where she is constantly wriggling her feet, trying to eat her toes!!!, pulling at her socks and becoming much more ACTIVE! 🥰

Mumma’s, Pampers Active Fit make sense!!! I played with Hope, she had tummy time and she played with her toes and all sorts. She did this freely and comfortably! Hope has lovely skin and wore the size 4 nappies; and there were no issues (this is important 💡).

One thing that I find massively helpful as a new mother is the Pampers wetness indicator. I mean, sometimes, you just can’t tell if your baby’s nappy is a little wet-especially when you are a new mum. These nappies having wetness indicators is a life saver and it makes motherhood EASIER! I totally recommend 👍🏾

Pampers Active Fit is also Pampers #1 for comfort, fit and dryness. Seriously.

The fact that the nappy in itself is stretchy but also grips well is handy for any leaks! Now that Hope is trying solids, this is essential for any explosions that may occur!! 😅

As a new mother to a baby who is growing and exploring, my daughters comfort is of top priority to me. She no longer wants to lay on her back all day, but is inquisitive to everything around her; and so, my final comment in this review is that these nappies do just that- make her comfortable.

In a nutshell, the purpose of my blog is bring you ladies in and let you know that these nappies are worth the coins Sis! 😉 If you don’t believe me, then try them on your little ones yourselves; and let me know in the comments what you think! Then thank me later 😃

I and Hope in all her beauty, during her 6 month photoshoot with @momentsby_mimi on Instagram😍; wearing the Pampers Active Fit nappies.

#PampersActiveFit #wriggleproof #PampersSquad #ad @pampersuk_ire

With love,

ANJ TALKS ♡